My blogger friend Tamara has been so kind as to give me some encouraging words about dealing with my depression. In my answer, I told her about that little voice that always tells me to keep going no matter what.
A voice emerged on the day of my mother’s funeral
This voice has first appeared inside of me on the day of my mum’s funeral. I was 12, and she had suffered from cancer for about five years. A year earlier I had made a deal with God that I would be a good girl if only he could save her. Well, these sort of deals never work, which I learned in those days.
I had broken down at the graveyard where practically the whole village was assembled to say goodbye to her. My grandparents took me home, and I laid down in my parent’s bedroom. They left again to be at the community hall where everyone was invited for coffee, tea and cake and to remember her.
The worst day of my life
That was the worst day of my life. I just wanted to die with her. I quarrelled with God, myself and the whole world. I suspect that was the start of my depression.
When I could not cry anymore, and I hadn’t found a way to end my life, there was suddenly this little voice inside of me that said: No, you don’t give up! You won’t let your father win! You can do this thing called “life”! And so I did.
And so I still do whenever I am down. There have been many days in which I thought that there is no reason to go on living; that nothing will change and that I am the worst loser in this whole entire world. But whenever the tears have run out, and the raging has subsided this little voice comes back and keeps me going.
I honour my inner voice
Today I want to honour this little voice that has given me strength all of my life. And I invite you to honour those little voices, people, songs, sayings, prayers, pets, toys… that keep you going.
I believe all of us have one. And I think it is important to be aware of them and to honour them for life is short and we have the right to live a joyful life!
This week’s prompt
So here is how to take part:
•Read this week’s “The Day Jobbers Essential Poetry Prompt.”
•Write your poem as close or far from the prompt as you feel comfortable
•Post it on your blog or here in the comment section or both
•You have time for that until next Tuesday
•Use “The Day Jobbers Essential Poetry Prompt” picture if you want to
• Go and read another “Day Jobbers Essential Poetry Prompt” Poem from the comments
• Most of all have lots of fun
Find the latest posts of “The Day Jobbers Essential Poetry Prompt” here.
Now my dear fellow day jobbers: go, create and have lots of fun!