September 2018

Still working on the rebuilding….

April 2018 (From my old blog)

Looks like I lived an illusion. A secure illusion. That thing that people do. What we all do. But that feeling that all is wrong did not go away. It made me ill. Literally. And now I stand in front of the rubble of a life that could have been if I weren’t who I am.

But I am who I am. And it looks like I learned a couple of things. I write them again even if I repeat myself. Trust your gut. It told me that these people I worked with were all false. It also told me that my mental health has not so much to do with my past anymore.

I am not made to work for someone whom I do not respect. I am also not made to just do what I am told. But I let life make me into someone who does not trust herself and her innate power. Now its time to fight back and make my life right.

Many have told me in the last couple of weeks that I am courageous. It does not feel like it. It feels like a woman has to do what a woman has to do and I should have done it a long time ago. I didn’t. That’s my problem. I learn. I change. I let life lead me to where I should be. Planning has never worked out. I have enough of plans and blame and hypocrites. Most of all hypocrites. But that’s another story.

My Fight Song

These illusions

came crumbling down.

I

was ready

at last.

These Illusions

came tumbling down.

I

get up

and rebuild

These illusions

came falling down.

I

fight back

at last.