September 2019

I don’t think the pain will ever fully go away…

November 2014

Lean against … and listen

I quote Kasey Mathews from the WANA group “Write to heal” for this writing prompt:

“With paper and pen, or computer handy, lean back in your chair, or against the wall, or a sofa etc., close your eyes and imagine you are sitting under a large tree with your back resting against the trunk. On the other side of the tree, a Storyteller has come to sit down and also rest against the tree trunk. With eyes still closed, just listen. Wait for the Storyteller to begin his or her story. When you hear it begin, simply write down all that you hear. “

video credit: ReGilmour via YouTube
I am not swimming in a fish bowl year after year but I still wish you were here. 30 odd years is a fu…… long time to be without you. Does the pain ever go away and let me live?

How I hate it when people moan about their mothers. Yes, they can be a pain but imagine she would not be there anymore. Imagine not to call her when you need advice or not being able to get one of her delicious cakes.

Every few years I realise how I still miss her. The pain has changed though. It is not the lost little girl crying. Now it is the adult, who will never have the chance to meet her mother as an adult and finding out who she really was.

Never finding out if she knew. If she knew what he has done and if she tried to do anything about it. But maybe that is the better option: I can still imagine she tried everything to stop him. It is not very likely though…..