Welcome peeps, how is 2022 treating you so far? I hope it’s only giving you the best possible! 2022 is treating us well. There is still a lot of interest in the house and we are in talks with one family who is very interested. I had expected I’ll be absolutely excited and enthusiastic but I am not. Every single possible fear is raising it’s head and I find it very hard to get my head around sorting everything.

Don’t get me wrong: I love it, that we do something pretty out of the ordinary. It’s an adventure and that’s a great way to grow old. But it is basically a 180 degree turn from what we felt we wanted. We wanted a house and big garden and settling down. And now we go in the exact opposite direction as we have planned to be continuous cruisers. So what if that doesn’t work out? We have talked about all these fears, about what we hope and a plan B for practically everything we can think of. For more than a year. You can’t do anymore, can you?

We spent the last two months starting to sort out stuff. What can go and what goes into storage. Yes, we invest into storage. We have lots of fossils and other found things that we plan to sell from the boat. Our plan B makes it necessary to keep some things but we still want to get rid of a lot of things that we do not really need.

It is astonishing how much stuff a house can collect within a couple of years. Well, of course, not the house but us. Both of us have that mindset: “Oh, do not throw that away we might use it again!” and the truth is we have used a lot of what we kept. But a narrowboat is small and storage is expensive so we better get on with it.

I feel a little overwhelmed though by the immensity of the task. What to do with the house plants? Can we take them? They can’t all go on the boat and can’t go into storage either. I don’t want to throw them away. Friends and family maybe?? Thankfully I do not have a lot of clothes and I keep on sorting through those often. But there are books, furniture, cook pots and lots of bits and bobs. Why do we have so much stuff?

Also, I am not a good person following plans. My life has unfolded in a pantster way: I go with the flow and life will sort itself out in the end. Not sure that is going to work here. But I have no plan besides do one cupboard at a time and try not to get an anxiety attack. I also do not sleep well and I have started to bit the inside of my mouth again. Black dog jumping up my back…

My Gaian tarot card for this year is Bindweed which corresponds to The Devil in ordinary tarot cards. Facing the fears that still bind me is my task and I took if full on in my journaling and daily meditation. But boy are there deep seated fears that I didn’t even knew I had. However, I tried to outrun these fears and it’s time for me to stare them in the face and ask: What’s the worst that could happen? And “Is my interpretation of the situation maybe a little out of whack?”

It quite often is but there is that point in personal development when you know why you feel a certain way and you understand that it needs changing but your emotions aren’t just there yet. It’s the “in between time” when the only way to get through is to be kind to yourself and to know “This too shall pass!” We’ll get there. For a change I want to enjoy the process. All of it. The ups and downs and in a years time I want to sit at our laptop on the boat and tell you: “Gosh, we made it and how have we grown!”. Until then I simply have to get on with it.

Are there any fears you have chosen to face in 2022? And how are you dealing with them?

May the blessing of God’s soft rain be on you, falling gently on your head,
refreshing your soul with the sweetness of little flowers newly blooming.
May the strength of the winds of Heaven bless you, carrying the rain to wash
your spirit clean, sparkling after, in the sunlight.

Irish blessing

Please stay safe, stay kind and remember: You rock!