Happy Thursday all you lovely people. May you have a good day despite everything. I am re-blogging this post because its still an issue I am grappling with. And I just did another “cull” of my online activity 😊:
I don’t know if you ever had watched “Sin City Motors” or “Vegas Rat Rods” as it is known in the states. If you do then you are aware of how often Steve Darnell the owner of Welder Up the business the program is about uses the word “badass”. He uses it so often, that in one episode he got me counting and I ended up with at least 34.
That was the only reason why I bought Jen Sinceros “ You are a badass. How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life”. (Well, it might also have helped that it was only 99p on the Kindle).
I saw the book as a suggestion on my e-reader just after I counted Darnell’s badasses and I just felt:” if I am so bothered by the word I should read the book!”. And so I did. Last week.
I am not sure Jen has managed to convince me of my greatness yet and my life certainly hasn’t gained particular awesomeness however she uses a tool that I find rather helpful to get over some of my hang-ups in writing.
In her opinion, we have developed certain “stories” about ourselves. Some are good some are not. Stories we have picked up from our families or peers or that we developed through conclusions we have drawn after we have experienced life.
You could call these “stories” “beliefs about yourself” however, I think it is easier to “rewrite” a story than to change a belief.
So what might these stories be?
Let’s use me and my blog as a “guinea pig” ;-):
I do blog since 2009 and this is probably the 20th version. I have tried different platforms, several blogs at once, blogging daily, weekly, monthly, a thousand topics and much more and I somehow always end up changing it because I have come to believe that it isn’t good enough.
My “story” is that my blog and my writing is not as good as other bloggers even though I have many comments towards the opposite.
Now Jen Sincero suggests to become aware of these stories, write them down, figure out what we get from it, let that go and “rewrite the story”.
So what do I get out of changing my blog continuously?
Well, I probably try to avoid criticism because by the time my readers get an overview of how I write and what I write about and could give feedback of any kind I am off to a new blog.
I obviously also avoid to work on myself and my writing and become better because when you start a new blog you have to set up so many things you can easily avoid looking at the quality of your writing. Plus if it’s new it’s OK not to have so many readers but if you write one since ten years and you still only have one reader something has gone wrong. And if you want more readers you have to have a look at the why. And then work starts. And you have to change. And change is so scary. And maybe you’ll find out that you are totally crap at what you are doing and that you made an utter fool of yourself for ten years.
So what’s my award in short: safety. Safety from disappointment and safety from change.
The process Jen Sincero suggest to let that go is to fully feel into those “awards”. Feel the safety that that avoiding gives but also feel how disappointing it is not to get more regular readers.
And when it comes down to it that’s what I would like to have even though I am fully aware that I am boycotting myself entirely with changing so often.
Jen then suggests to write down the belief that is behind that behaviour:
In my case: I am not good enough!
(Bah, that hurts!)
Then thank that belief for protecting you for a long time from your fear and say goodbye.
And then create a new positive affirmation that you tell yourself as often as possible. Write it down, sing it, dance it, breathe it and then let it do its work.
I have chosen one I came across a couple of months ago on the internet: the “magic mirror” campaign that asked women to feel they are enough no matter what society is not expecting of them.
The positive affirmation is: I am enough!
Yes, I know it probably should be: “My writing is enough” or, “I write well!”. However, I like “I am enough” because it is not only the writing where I have a deep-seated belief that I just can’t do good enough.
Well, we’ll see how it’s gonna work. After all, I have a short story and a sci-fi series to write for “The Bee Writes…” and a thousand ideas for blog posts.
Obviously, I just gave you the short version of Jen Sinceros process and if you would like to try it I suggest you get the “You Are a Badass. How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and start living and awesome life” and find a little more motivation to change the hangups in your life.
Have you read Jen Sinceros book and what do you think of it?
And if you haven’t:
Do you think “rewriting your story” could work?