Hello, all you lovely people, and happy Easter if you celebrate and if you celebrate today. The lovely Hetty over at “Who The Hell Knows?” asked how this story goes on which gave my mottled motivation a boost. Please, head over to her place and check out her brilliant stories and very honest posts. It’s worth a visit every time!

I answered her that my posts will be a bit on and off because of our huge life changes. I still have trouble with Tamoxifen-tiredness and simply can’t get as much organized and done as I want to. It’s hard to get used to this especially if you want to move to another country and sort of dissolve a household. But we’ll get there eventually 🙂

So, here we go to Qatar with Mallory and Bianca

Disclaimer:

I want to mention one thing: The story does live in an alternate universe where we do not have to bother with COVID. There are political and environmental issues that are similar to our reality but all are made up. Please forgive me. Please check it out here (it’s the proper link now at last 😉 ) if you have missed previous posts in this series.

Mallory sat at the beach staring out to the sea. Behind her, the impressive skyline of Doha shone in the midday sunshine. Hardly anyone else was at the beach. It only filled up in the evening when the temperature sank to a bearable heat. Bianca watched her from her sunbed under a bright white umbrella. “She hasn’t been the same since her desert break-down,” Bianca thought.

The night before they were invited to a concert by distinguished musician Dana Al Fardan. Bianca giggled when thinking of the atonal interaction of his voice and the philharmonic orchestra that accompanied him. She had a hard time getting through the concert and expected Mallory to throw a burst of abuse at her afterward.

However, Mallory just walked beside her to their hotel saying only “Hmmm” or “yes” when Bianca tried to talk to her. She went to bed instantly when they arrived. Bianca thumbed through a travel guide looking for information about Souq Waqif and Garangao night. She would have loved to be here in the middle of Ramadam to see the brightly dressed children walk through the tourist village collecting sweets and having fun.

Bianca sighed and got up. She put her scarf over her head to protect herself from the sun. There was a little breeze coming from the sea that made it all a bit cooler. Bianca stood for a moment: “Mallory might still not talk!” she thought. And then “but maybe she needs to be prodded a little!”. So she walked towards Mallory and knelt down beside the younger woman.

“I am ok!” Mallory whispered. “No, you are not and you know it, young lady!” Bianca replied. “You have hardly spoken for the last month since we came from the desert. Not even Dana Al Farden made you make a comment!” Mallory looked at the older woman. “I love that dark blue scarf Bianca wears,” she thought. “But how can I explain? How can I explain the transformation I am going through?”

“No, you are wrong!” Mallory then said. “I am ok. Just something is changing in me.” Bianca said nothing and kept looking out at the sea where traditional sailboats hovered at the horizon. “No kidding,” she thought. Bianca thought about herself in her 30’s. She had thrown herself fully into her teaching career using the holidays and a good salary to travel as much as she could. She never doubted her choices or life itself after she had thrown her parent’s strong belief in a benign god out of her life. Life was just life. It happened. And you better made the best of it or it got you down. “Mallory seems to be the proof of my outlook on life!” Bianca thought. “But what do I know of today’s generation? At least we still had some hope that humankind will make it. That humankind will make this world a better place. But can they? And I hadn’t experienced violence in a relationship yet.”

“I can see that you change and I am worried!” Bianca eventually answered Mallory. Mallory huffed but also smiled. “As you do not talk to me I can’t know if you are figuring things out or if you are getting yourself into a downward spiral.” “It’s none of your business really!” Mallory said. “Maybe not. But we travel together for some time now. I have come to care for you a lot. You are like the daughter I never had and I’d hate it if you let life get the better of you!” Bianca took Mallory’s hand. “There are people who care for you!” “I know!” Mallory said. “But there is that dark pit inside me. It seems to suck in everything at times: My hope, my motivation, my love for life. And there is no coming out of it by force. I just have to sit it out!”

“I don’t think, that is it!” said Bianca. “I have seen people who suffer from depression. They are stuck in a bog of desperation. They might still go on with their daily life but you can see the pit in their eyes. Your eyes are searching they are not “the pit”, but I am unsure what conclusions you are drawing!” “I don’t think I draw any conclusions at the moment” Mallory stood up and brushed the sand from her behind. She reached for Bianca to help her up. “It is more like I simply have nothing to say. I am in life enjoying our travel but I do not feel the need to comment on everything. I am also feeling this pain I was talking about in the desert. But it is not overwhelming me anymore. It is more like a sieve separating what is important and what isn’t for me.” They started walking towards their hotel. “It’s like I left it all in the desert like you advised me when we did the breathing exercises. Does that make sense?” Bianca nodded. “I had a similar experience just many years later than you have!” she answered.

Mallory looked at Bianca curiously. “I’ll tell you sometime else. I think it’s now time for a cup of tea and another video I found.” Mallory giggled “You really have embraced the internet, haven’t you!” Bianca huffed “I have not!” but then laughed out loud.

Thanks, my dears, for staying with me until the end.

I appreciate your presence.

Please stay safe, stay kind and remember that you rock!