This post was first published in October 2015 and I am re-posting it on that date. It is about where I was then not an actual situation of mine:
It’s 2:30 am where I live, and I woke up at 1 am when my husband had to get up. Usually, I just turn around and go back to sleep but lately I am troubled by nightmares and some physical problems, and I just can’t go back to sleep.
A few months ago I had promised myself not to write about depression and being a survivor anymore. I felt that it’s time to move on and just concentrate on things that I am interested in and that make me feel good. At the same time, I felt like I couldn’t write and needed a break from blogging and concentrate on reading.
It felt like whining about what I was writing. And I still feel like I’m just whining, but it struck me as odd that I stopped writing the moment I decided not to write about depression anymore.
On Monday, it was awful. I started crying for no reason, and I worried that I would go back into a really bad state. But maybe that was the blood moon. It’s better now. In general I have developed an attitude of: ” Ok, just another run: write diary, take your tablets and be gentle with yourself and it will go away like always!”
But it’s not something nice to deal with time and time again. It uses so much energy to function. The energy I would love to use for happier things. There is no point though in worrying about it. No matter how I feel about depression, it’s part of my life.
It is part of me and ignoring it won’t make it go away nor will it make my blogging better. Besides I am not alone. There are so many others out there who struggle with the same and maybe, just maybe they are glad to hear that someone out there goes through a rough patch too.
Is it presumptuous to feel like that? Is it “taking myself serious” or just another whining blogger who can’t think about writing about anything else but her woes? What do you think?